Nobody really wants to go through a child custody case. No matter how you approach it, it’s going to be traumatic for everyone involved. Even when you’re approaching your custody agreement with a manner of civility, there’s a couple of things you need to go ahead and just accept.
5. No Matter What, Your Kids Lose
You want your kids to be with you all the time, and so does your ex. Thus you’re going to fight with them about it, hence why it’s called a custody “battle.” Hypothetically, let’s assume you decimate your ex in the battle, and win complete and absolute custody. Awesome, right? Wrong. Your kids are now missing out on a relationship with one of their parents. Ok, so let’s say you iron out partial custody. Great, right? Wrong. Now they have to drag back and forth from your house to your ex’s and never have a permanent sense of home. There’s no way to look at a custody fight that doesn’t make your kids the losers.
4. You’re Not Getting Your Way
So about that hypothetical situation from up there where you get everything you want? That’s not happening. Not in the real world, anyway. When it comes to a divorce that’s happening on Earth, you’re going to win a few battles and lose a few. Most of these lost battles will be when it comes to custody. You might want “every weekend” but you’re going to need to make your peace with “every other weekend.” That’s just the breaks of the game and you’re going to have to be okay with that.
3. You Can’t Go Whipping Accusations Around The Courtroom Like A Frisbee
You simply cannot sit in court and tell a judge your ex is a meth-addicted compulsive gambler, just because you want to drop the kids off on Sunday evening instead of Monday morning. That is not how any of this works, and if you want the truth — is a crime. If you think your ex is a bad person, that’s probably a great reason why you’re not going to be married to them for much longer. But when it comes to arranging custody, you’re going to have to accept that this is your opinion of them as a person. You can’t cook up wild stories about them and expect the judge to take you on your word.
2. Your Kids Are Going To Hate You (In Short Bursts)
Especially if they’re 13-15 years old. However, as much as you don’t want to, you need to cut them some slack. Their family is being torn apart and their entire world is being flipped upside down. You’re going to get some eye rolls and some “I hate you” incidents. They don’t mean it, it won’t last long, and your ex is probably getting it just as bad. It’s fine, it’s normal, and you need to accept that it’s part of the process. Think of it as a warm up for when you remarry and have to deal with the “You’re not my real Dad!” phase.
1. Your Ex Has A Point
Sorry, but it’s true. You need to realize that these are your ex’s kids too. They are as much a parent as you are, and they’re coming at this from the same direction as you. They love your kids like you do, and they want to spend a lot of time with them. They want to be near the kids, and they want a convenient arrangement. You can’t think of yourself as the perfect saint and your ex as the devil incarnate. You’re both parents who want to be with your kids, and that’s just a thing you need to be okay with.
Negotiating a custody agreement is tough on everyone. You deserve an attorney who can handle your case with the care and respect it deserves. Use our Contact Us form to speak with a lawyer who can handle your case the right way.