When your friend is going through a divorce, you want to do your best to keep them comforted and confident. While you mean well, you might not realize you’re making things worse. Some of the most standard pieces of advice given in a divorce, should probably be thought instead of spoken.
5. “He/She Is A Piece Of Trash Anyway”
Even if they are trash — don’t point that out. One of the keys to an easy divorce is not only treating the other party as an equal, but seeing them as an equal. If you go telling your friend their ex is a piece of this and a pile of that, they’re going to start looking at them as that. Then the respect goes out the window and it devolves into anarchy from there. Just leave it alone and focus on your friend.
4. “In My Divorce…”
Your divorce may have gone swimmingly, and that’s magnificent — but that was your divorce. No two divorces are the same, and what held true for you might be the worst idea ever for your friend’s situation. You don’t want to give your friend bad advice and have them end up in a rough situation they can’t get out of. Lawyering is best left to the lawyers, and you should let your friend get their advice that way. Just be there for them.
3. “You Can’t Let Him/Her Get Away With That”
Tell your friend this and not only are you making matters worse, you’re speeding up the process of it getting worse. Not only can they let their ex get away with that, but they probably should. With almost no exceptions, whatever it is you think they’re getting away with — has no bearing on the divorce. Even if it does have any bearing, it’s almost always something best left to the attorneys. When you tell your friend this, you’re angering up the blood for no reason, thus pouring gas on the flames. Leave it alone, and just hug your friend when they cry (because they will.)
2. “You Can Get Everything You Need For This Online.”
We don’t mean to be harsh here, but there’s a reason we’re lawyers. Lawyers go to law school to learn how to lawyer, and a successful divorce calls for a lot of lawyering. Just like you wouldn’t be too thrilled with your friend performing open heart surgery on you based on a Wikipedia article they read, you probably shouldn’t let the rest of their life hinge on a few Google searches. It’s nice that you want to help, but when it comes to something like this — you’re fighting above your weight class. Let the lawyers lawyer.
1. “You Should Hire A Private Investigator”
Or, and just hear us out on this, your friend could open a window and throw a few thousand dollars out of it. Both options will give you the same amount of usable results for the same price. There’s nothing a private investigator will pull up that will be of any use to your friend in court. Most people get private investigators to prove adultery, which really has no bearing on the outcome of a divorce. There’s not much else a PI would drag up, and bringing one in would just waste money. A lawyer will tell your friend all the information they need to prepare, and the rest is more or less on autopilot for them.
There’s a lot of bad advice out there, and your divorce deserves an attorney who can give you the correct information. Use our Contact Us page to speak with an attorney right now who can guide your divorce with the respect and care it requires.