Children are very impressionable, especially when it comes to their parents. You’re setting the foundation for their entire life. This doesn’t stop when you’re going through a divorce. The process is hard enough on your kids, without them picking up negative life lessons. As you and your ex go through the difficult process of dissolving your marriage, what lessons do you need to make sure your kids are seeing?
5. We’re Still Nice To People Even If We Don’t See Eye-To-Eye
There’s no reason to be mean to your ex in public or in front of your kids. You shouldn’t really be mean to them anyway, but especially not when the kids can hear or see. If they can understand that even though their parents may not agree on things and aren’t going to be married anymore — but are still nice to each other? That’s going to lay the foundation for them to become some pretty understanding and compassionate adults.
4. Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out — And That’s Okay
It’s one of those classic lines we tell our kids: “It doesn’t change the fact that we love you.” Which is completely true, because of course you still love them. But do you want your kids growing up to think that when relationships end, the world ends with them? Going through a divorce with mutual respect and a calm attitude will show your kids that when things don’t work out — life goes on. You don’t have to be angry, you don’t have to scream, you just have to accept it and be okay.
3. Private Business Needs To Stay Private
Whether or not your children learn this important lesson is going to depend on your entire divorce. The neighborhood doesn’t need a play-by-play of your divorce. If your kids see you announcing things about your divorce to all of Facebook, guess what they’re going to learn? When you go telling everyone in the school carline about what your ex did, or announcing it to the whole office, that teaches your kids to air dirty laundry. Keep it to yourself, and your kids will learn what belongs in public and what does not.
2. You Give, You Take, And That’s How Agreements Happen
When the kids watch you screaming and yelling, refusing to give an inch in the great debate over who gets to keep the commemorative NASCAR china set — good luck teaching them compromise. Your divorce is a chance for your kids to see the two of you giving and taking. When you come to a mutual agreement based on compromise and give-and-take, your kids will learn to be fair, patient, and rational people.
1. Just Breathe. These Things Pass.
It’s an important lesson for anyone to learn, but especially your kids. Don’t let them see that the way we solve things is with anger or despair. The world is not ending because the marriage is. You feel emotions, you feel the pain, you let yourself cry. But in the end, you realize you’ve never lived through anything you didn’t overcome, and you’ll be just fine. Show this to your children. When you tell them everything will be fine, it helps if you believe it too. Let them take that moment with you to just breathe.
Divorce is never an easy time. You deserve an attorney who can handle these times with the sensitivity, care, and respect you deserve. Use our Contact Us page to speak with one of our lawyers who can help you through your divorce the right way.